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August 01, 2020 , , ,


Dear Diary,
I am so upset in my life. It’s only been a year since I made this deal and yet everything I’ve dreamt of has made me so upset. I dreamed of beauty, and they stowed it upon me; I dreamed of love and to be cherished, again this was given to me. I wished for a fantastic career, and yet again they found my job to be as exciting as a baby discovering the unknown world that they’ve been born into.

I do not want to seem ungrateful Diary but please take back these gifts you’ve given me. The beauty that I appeared so to desire, people no longer see my personality; they are just taken with my looks. The loved one that you bestowed upon me is scaring me. He loves me Solely for my looks; he does whatever I say; however; I wanted someone to talk to, keep me company, explain things to me and understand me; he doesn’t. Instead, he bends the knee and agrees with all that I say, even the most stupid of things. I wanted an intellectual conversation to stimulate my mind. Instead, I got nothing but a back-end of a donkey. I wanted a fantastic career, and it is just that… to others. To me, I have to deal with the difficulties of things I could never imagine. I can only think of the mundane Monday that people experience. The new field that I work is incredible, and the findings of my research are just inspiring.

Let’s deal with something for me. Something to challenge me. Something to change me. My dreams have never been more fulfilled, and yet I have nothing to reach for. I want the world around me to just implode, For the simple fact that I do not want to live anymore in this reality. Sometimes I go for drives in the never pleasurable anymore. The phone call to interrupt me is always something to do with work. And work is… is well it’s exciting, but it’s not what I’ve been looking for. it Is exciting for others, diary. It’s exciting to watch, and It’s creating a ster. I’m not the coffee cup though, I’m the stick, and the research that I find pushes me to want to quit. The psychology of people, the psychopathology of daily life. The media which we interact with. We have so much in common, yet we are so far apart. The cogs of the wheel of personality and facets that create that cog, making us so complicated. Maybe I enjoy my job… no, no, I do not. I am seen for my looks, and not my achievement, I am recognised for the trials of my career, not for my research. My husband is forever doting, but never truly there.

I shouldn’t have made the wishes I did. I should have wished for something less permanent, like ice cream on a hot summers day. Even then, I would have been given a problem. They say you can’t wish your questions away. There isn’t just a problem with wishing them away; there is a problem with having the wish. The cake always looks better than it tastes and in this case diary, the cake tasted horrid. The friends that once embraced me, now won’t talk to me, because they believe that I’m living in the fast lane. In truth, I’m barely living.

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October 04, 2019 , ,



We all wear faces,
We all wear masks,
Some of us viewed as a verse,
Whether they see us as weak or see us as strong,
Our outfits do no wrong.
Protection is a direction that we all take,
For many, this outfit comes with a cape,
A cape is strong, a cape is weak, but it protects what’s underneath.
October is the time we may all seek,
To show what persona we want to be at our peak,
This is not wrong, this is not right,
The world we see is more than a fright.
The 31st is one of these dates,
No one else will ever create,
We dream of witches; We dream of wizards,
We get a glimpse into what life isn't.
We'll hide behind masks,
It doesn't matter your name,
What you do, or even your fame
We look at those that we cherish,
And wonder what hides under that blemish.
Is it pain or anger that we all share,
That hides our very despair,
Under these costumes, we do not fright,
For their not living, they’re our lives.
I hope this poem has brought you some relief,
That we are all the same underneath.
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October 01, 2019 , , , ,




The internet. We mostly live in it. We wake up, check our Facebook profile or Instagram page, and as we turn over, we see our loved one doing the same. We go to work where most of us will be glued to a screen for most of the day while checking our device. Even things you didn’t know was a social media experience are now.
So what do you mean the internet affect my identity? I hear you say.
Well, dear reader let me explain. See your social media is fragmenting the way you imagine yourself. For example, all the cool young kids are on Instagram, so there you’ll want to be received as young and on-trend. Whereas on Facebook you have all your work colleagues and there you can’t be posting drunk selfies of yourself holding that kebab on the toilet at 5 am. It’s a hilarious picture, but you don’t feel that your boss and aunt Jean would feel the same. That is where you are splitting yourself, and this is where your consumer identity comes into play.
See Facebook knows you, knows you very well, and they know you love True Blood and are secretly in love with Joe Jonas. Yes, my search history may not give these things away to the untrained eye, but Facebook is watching.
Solomon, a leading expert in consumer psychology, says there are two identities that we have, our ideal self and our actual self. This concept means that we have only two personalities, one that we are and the one we want to be. Based on our real self we choose products that covert this identity, but we also buy other products to fit our ideal self. The difference between the products brought is that products we buy for our ideal self are necessary for this identity, they might base these on the people depicted in the advertising or as models of achievement or appearance. Sethna and Blythe expanded on this concept, and they say that five senses create someone’s identity. Sight (what we wear and how we look for example, makeup, etc.), hearing (what accent we have, what words we use), smell (if we wear perfume or deodorant), touch (the texture of our skin, whether we wear clothes that are silky or rough) and taste (mouth wash or lipstick). We can achieve most of these senses through a product or service.
May all sound fine, but when we split our identity, it makes it harder to feel things. We ground our selves by finding what is real in life. Social media isn’t that. Two hundred eighty characters do not constrict you in real life, you are not put in a 1080p box, and you’re not subject to community guidelines. But exposure to your personality is online. You sell yourself, your identity to these platforms. Even Medium is a social media. I’m putting a part of my personality into this very post.
Don’t define yourself, by the pictures you post and the statuses you write. It’s very well and good to write something that one person sees. Your identity is what is being sold back to you, and the restrictions that are brought into the creation of your identity online will never reflect you as a person. Online social media can reflect no one’s true identity, and that is why we split ourselves.
Next time you post that picture, just think to yourself, what side of myself do I show? And do I want to be more open with whom I am on social media or do I want to be closed? These are questions you should ask yourself.


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